The author of this blog is a complete nut-case and should not be taken any more seriously than a broken shoe hanging on the friendly neighbourhood truck's bumper. Any reference to person(s) real or imaginary is because of a multi-dimensional specie of super intelligent mice and therefore not his fault.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Funky shit

At work today, my good friend Raccoon, Sleepy and I were having a random chat to ease off the rotten pressure we are all under all of a sudden. Somehow during the course of the conversation, Raccoon suddenly commented that he cannot visualise the celebrities taking a shit. For which we immediately panned him and made gentle fun of him by hurling abuses on his sexual prowess and preferences. However, later I tried to imagine celebrities shitting and the funniest one I came up with was Buddha shitting. Why? Picture this...

"Many years ago, the wise sage Buddha was on a world tour and he reached this village famous for its rich food and carnal men. So Buddha though well I must enlighten the poor souls and take them towards equilibrium. Well the men welcomed him with open arms and open larders and piled delicacy after delicacy for him. Not to appear rude and aloof Buddha nibbled on some of the stuff and later preached spirituality. The village listened with rapt attention and later wend home a little more thoughtful than usual. (Right about now you must be asking where is the shit? Well I got news for you baby. Incoming!!)

Cut scene to next morning our Generic Villager (GV) is going for his morning walk...

Unknown Voice: Unghhhh!
GV: Eh? Wot?
UV: Unghhhhhhhhh!
GV: ???
UV: Gaaaah!!! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!
(GV heads towards the sound and is shocked!)
GV: Buddha!!
(Sees that Buddha is taking a painfully constipated shit)
GV: Like find your equilibrium dude. Be one with the world and shit...
Buddha: (waggles a strategic finger at GV and screams) Be one with this you son of a bitch! Guaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
(GV is overcome with emotions and the smell and covers his eyes and after a while when all is quiet with the world again, opens them with a beating heart...)
GV: Buddha...
Buddha: (is levitating) Peace my son
GV: Wow! How did you attain this state of Nirvana man? What did you smoke?
Buddha: Hush my silly child. One attains peace when a powerful truth dawns on him.
GV: Wow! what truth big B?
Buddha: Tell this to your fellow men - "Ask not why Shit happens. But know that Shit must happen. One can never know true peace unless Shit happens"
GV: Wow! ....
GV: (quietly) Seriously what were you smoking?

Fade out..."


If you think this is a shitty story.. well then, it is!! Wahahahahahahaha!!!!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

The best laid plans

The stage was set. A very close friend was coming from the US of A after a year and we were all excited. The close friend (let's call her CF from now on) calls up another friend (let's call him local friend or LF1) and tells him that she wants to surprise her parents and therefore she'll be coming a day earlier than what she had told them and can LF1 come and pick her up from the airport. So LF1 calls another friend LF2 and yours truly as well and we cook up a plan to give her a nice welcome. We go there with our guitars slung around our shoulders and discussing how sweet it would be for her parents to see their daughter turn up a day early! We were also making our own plans how to best surprise her and just then.. bang her dad shows up at the airport and we are all aww crap there goes the surprise. The end. Right?

Naah. It so happens that someone wanted to fuck us up. So the flight got delayed and we were stuck chit-chatting with her dad and being the concerned parent he is, he very nearly accused us of giving her mom a heart attack! Why? They were frantically trying to reach CF but could not obviously as she was on the plane and everyone was super worried and yada yada yada... We were pissed as we were standing there in the cold late at night with office tomorrow and getting pasted for something that was not our fault! And the worst part of it all was we could identify with the dad. If I was in his place I'd have kicked my ass and we could not find anyone to blame...

Therefore the best laid plans are generally worth shit. Life is random my friends no grand scheme. No plan. Phbbt...

PS: Surprises suck. Never do it. It's the damn movies that have made them so damn romantic. We are all comfortable with 'planning' stuff if something goes awary, we get irritated. Bah!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Of short tops and the constant tugging

Have you seen girls wearing a t-shirt type top (which may go under several names such as tank, halter, noodle, whatever)? Now every single girl I've seen (and not that I ogle) has this really really irritating tic of almost unconsciously tugging the top from the lower back, where it eventually ends up, to the waist. I asked a female friend about this and she said that it is generally to maintain modesty. So the thing is this. If they *think* the bare midriff/lower back may be immodest, why wear it and if they do not, then why tug. This my dear reader is another example of the degenerate hypocritical culture we have (and I do not mean the Indian culture but the global culture). Fucking humans. Useless pieces of carbon shit.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I am

Deeply unhappy. I am deeply disturbed. Life is so fucking random.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Wish I may. Wish I might.

A few days back, I recieved a message from a friend saying 'you didn't wish me today' the occasion was Diwali (or was it her birthday[?]) and I was expected to feel guilty. I also recicved a tireless stream of SMS 'wishes' wishing me a happy and prosperous Diwali. I did not wish anyone. Why? Because it annoys me to communicate with someone at the whim of Hallmark and Archies. Every few days I hear that today is 'rose' day, 'chocolate' day... well how about kiss my ass day? Why should I talk to anyone because some paper pusher thinks I should and much more importantly why am I expected to wish anyone as if out of compulsion? If I did not wish someone, then it means that I either do not put the un-wished in high regard or I do not put the occasion in high regard or both. So if I did not wish you and you feel offended, then let me tell you one thing. Fuck You!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Susanna and the long drive

This has to be my most random memory fragments. Perhaps this was triggered because I was chatting up with Bombay just a while back.. But anyhow. The story is - I was listening to Susanna by Art Company right now and suddenly a scene flashed in front of my eyes. Our minds are funny things. But it was almost a total recall of a drive we (ayush, az, Bombay and me) had in Chandigarh while coming back from the sector 17(?) market. We were close to the Chandi Mandir cantt and the song came and we all started singing. Whatte fun. I know this is not the most interesting of the stories. But wow! The memory was so... clear...