The author of this blog is a complete nut-case and should not be taken any more seriously than a broken shoe hanging on the friendly neighbourhood truck's bumper. Any reference to person(s) real or imaginary is because of a multi-dimensional specie of super intelligent mice and therefore not his fault.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Break the code... Not really

The new Sony Vaio Z commercial being aired here struck me as rather ironic. The ad shows a man working on an ultra small laptop and forced to use a magnifying glass to use it. Then comes a girl with a huge laptop she's having difficulty carrying. The shot pans out and we see all the actors being turned into ceramic dolls denoting the sameness of all the laptops (all of these have something that's inconvenient). Now in walks the Sony Vaio guy. He's super cool, he's wearing hep clothes and is walking as all cool people do. And bam all the bad laptops turn into Sony Vaio Z's and the people come back to life.

Now comes the ironic part, throughout the ad the following song is being played:
I'm not you and you're not me,
But I look around and all I see is me, (ceramic transformation done)
Change the code, break the code,
Take the new road (Sony Vaio saves the day!)

Followed by the new Sony tagline - Like no other...

How are people breaking codes if they use the same laptops?


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Free Willy... uh huh huh huh huh

This was mine...

Comic art concept lifted off flyyoufools. Go check it out!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Monkeydoodle #1

There is no spoon...

Friday, September 26, 2008


Observation: Two of my friend's blogs that were lying dead for the past few months have been mysteriously posted upon. Coincidence?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Out of the bluh

Scientific ideas come from broken homes. They have either fathers* or mothers. Very few have mommies and daddies. That's why they end up making such a mess of things**.

*Case in point, Alan Turing is the father of modern computing. Where's the mother, bitches?

**Further case in point, as of right now, millions of 'modern computers' are hooked on to a hive brain that will drain all our individuality and we will be reduced to pointless husks looking for a punchline. This was my attempt.

Monday, July 28, 2008


A few weeks back, Alka told me that there is a sort of a group of artists in Delhi where people meet up and generally mingle. I was pretty excited and finally went today. And what happened? I wasted four hours of my time listening to kids in a choir practice.

The good:
  • They can use harmonies like crazy. Very nicely strung out vocal ensemble.

The bad:
  • The average Joe in the group is still in school. I feel too old.
  • The music they play is too hopeful for my taste (To give a sample, "giants/ do fall/ the higher they are/ the harder they fall" ... ugh!)

The ugly:
  • The vocal choir has no creative control. In fact no one has creative control besides a rather small clique of people. I am too big an egoist to be a part of something like that.
All things being said, the group is quite good if you are looking for sort of a free vocal class. You will definitely get your Harmonies under control. But sadly no use to me (not because I am an awesome vocalist but because I am not a vocalist at all!).

The group is called Artists Unlimited. Look them up if you like.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A cynic

Need not know anything but gets to criticize everything. Kickass.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


I hate birthdays. They just make you realize that one more year has gone by and life hasn't changed much and won't change much either. I choose not to choose life.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My own Guy Montag

Stop! You are advised to continue if you have read Farenheit 451. If you haven't, then run to your nearest bookstore (as soon as it opens), buy the book, read the book and come back. Go on then chop chop.

Now, it seems that I've found my personal Guy and it is called Wikipedia. In fact the damn site is super Guy. Guy just burnt books. The site is burning books, movies and video games for me. Why you ask? You see, I am a working man now. Due to which, my reading/ watching and gaming time has been drastically cut down. I manage a few chapters where I read the whole day, I have to plan to watch a movie, I get only a few hours of gaming time per day... Now Wikipedia is one of the few entertaining sites permissible at work. So I end up reading the 'plot summaries' fo everything. After that, the book/movie/game just isn't fun anymore.

Woe is me. Damn you Wikipedia!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


Was watching the TV after a long time and thanks to the shitty satellite signal I was stuck with MTV. There to my utter horror I saw five new filmy songs with distorted guitars on peppy Punjabbi beats (With a gyrating Saif Ali Khan and swooning Rani Mukharji to boot).

Now I think I have ranted somewhere about the fear of Black T-shirts. Imagine an India where braindead idiots not only wear Black T-shirts with Metchul Band names on them but also with Himesh, Pritam and Annu Mallick Black T-shirts... Exactly!

To convey a measure of my horror, I leave you with this image.

Friday, May 16, 2008

You can check out any time you like...

OK appraisal time is coming to work, so the management is trying its best to flog us to death (I've been spending insane hours at work lately). A key objectives this time is to get us to do several irrelevant training modules over the company intranet. One of the module had me in splits. The module dealt with better interview techniques and how to find the perfect company fit. Every training session is followed by an online QA session and the expected answers put the bullshit we filled during our college days to shame. Read on babby!

And finally, the best for last. This one tackles a major issue - attrition (though I cannot understand why would this be asked while hiring someone, but well, we all know, those who can't do, manage)

Oh but you can never leave... Muhuhahahahahahahahahaha

Friday, May 9, 2008

Kill-ing 2008

I have several 'productivity enhancement applications' installed at work. Including E-mail.

I get several forwards during the week and they may range from inane stunts recorded on video, guilt trip mails, wrath of god mails and plain bullshit. But I recieved a mail that truly and beautifully captured an issue that has been pissing me off for a long time. This is that mail:

Pictures do speak louder than words...

Amnesty has recorded 470 confirmed death penalties in China in 2007

China does not officially disclose the number of capital punishment cases

Citius (ferinus), Altius (
barbarus), Fortius(dementis)?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I am dying to sell to those who are dying to buy. The world, my friend, is basically fucked.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

I am

OK this started out rather tame. I just noticed a 'pose a question to your friends' tab on Orkut. Feeling rather random I thought I should pose a question. The good people at orkut went through so much trouble developing that API, atleast someone should use it! Anyhow, so I started typing a question and got stuck on 'Are you...'.

Being an almost a habitual google abuser, I thought I should see what sort of 'are yous...' are available on the clickhickers guide to the Internet.

What I found instead, was a bunch of 'personality tests'. So fascinating! There are these tests for everything... they even tell you what sort of a Nigerian Spammer are you.

I got to know that I am...

You are .doc You change from year to year, just to make things tough on your competition.  Only your creator really has a handle on you.
Which File Extension are You?

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You?

I am nerdier than 95% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to find out!

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Jetpac Man.I am Jetpac Man.

I love the outdoors; the sense of freedom, of adventure. I love the sensation of free-fall, and would parachute and bungee jump on a moment's notice. I know where I want to be, and I strive to get there, making great effort to collect what I need. I let nothing stand in my way. What Video Game Character Are You?

Which Nigerian spammer are You?

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Feeling wise I am yah stupid gadge!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Brave new world, brave new drugs...

Am about to try something called i-Doser. It's a software that uses binaural beats to stimulate brainwaves to simulate the effects of various psycho-active substances... Simply put, it's something that gives you a high (think Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds man!) when you listen to it through headphones.

Present state of mind - skeptic, curious... and a little hopeful ;)

Will report back later. Till then, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Seek and ye shall find... And sometimes, you dont have to do even that!

Things have a funny way of turning themselves out. I have often found myself in situation that something takes my fancy - for instance a book, a song, a type of music... anything and suddenly I start seeing things like that all around or without really trying to.

A few weeks back I listened to this band called Iron and Wine at Bobby's suggestion and was hooked. It has a warm, beautiful sound. Can't really find any other adjective for it. Listen to it and you'll understand what am I talking about. Anyway, I was recently taking a music quiz and found this guy called Sufjan Stevens and it is nearly as warm and as beautiful as Iron and Wine. I use nearly not to suggest that it is lacking. But it is slightly different.
Guess if a new age guru heard this, he'd say shit like "While You Chase Destiny In The Grains of Sand, All The Trees of The Field Will Clap Their Hands"

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Was watching Troy today. Saw a bunch of people killing another bunch of people for silly reasons. Not Hector or Agememnon or even Achilles. But the bloody foot soldiers. Seriously. What would they get in the end. Another war or death. So we really haven't progressed much. Just found more efficient ways and smaller causes to kill ourselves.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


It's been a long time since I posted. But I have been so very busy for the past few days. I can't believe it myself!

Anyway, this post is for the sake of posting. You know, to keep the old gears in motion. So I shall start with a good bit of ranting and end with a pointless observation. Ready? Go!
Don't know if you read the papers for yesterday but it scared me and angered me to see an article about a road-rage related molestation case. What happened was this:
Boy and girl going on a bike at 2:30AM
Big car full of assholes tries to overtake them
For some reason they get into a fight over this
The big car speeds, overtakes and finally blocks the bike
Big bulky men come out of the car
They beat the living daylights out of the boy
Drag the girl into the car and roam around with her for half an hour beating her too
The men escape as no ID was done

I sincerely hope the bastards get testicle cancer and die a slow painful death. It is when things like these happen I am ashamed of being a Delhiite, an Indian and a man. Seriously. May the sick fucks rot in hell.
Yesterday I received three April fool's jokes. All three had to do with Deepika Padukone. What goes?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Half-Second Limbo

Picture yourself walking and you see a half familiar person coming. You do not know the person. Well you have only made polite situational conversation. There is eye contact but the person is too far away to say hi immediately without sounding too loud and waving would look silly. Blam! you find yourself wondering... Should I say hi when he/she comes close enough? Should I just smile? Maybe I should just walk on. But that might be considered rude... That is the half-second limbo.

I do not know if you have ever found yourself in this position or not. But I run into these very often. Especially if the interaction is with the opposite sex as there is the additional fear of coming off as a letch or someone trying to get fresh.

To better illustrate what I am saying, this would be a half-second limbo that resolved itself watch out for the scene near about 1:20.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

This Is Bliss

"The lizard wakes up and finds he's the last lizard alive. His family and friends are all gone. Those he didn't like, those who picked on him in school, are also gone. The lizard is all alone. He misses his family and friends. Even his enemies. It's better being with your enemies than being alone. That's what he thought. Staring at the sunset, he thinks. "What is the point in living... If I don't have anyone to talk to?" But even that thought doesn't mean anything... when you're the last lizard."

Picture, quote from: Last Life In The Universe. Not mine. Don't sue me.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Homosapien HighonElectronix Totalis!

On the other hand gizmos are what I love! Just bought an 8800GT 512 MB graphics card. Now I am playing Bioshock at 1280x1024, Everything notched up to super high and loving every minute of it. Mwahahahaha!

Hoposapien Useless Totalis

I am a failed human being, nay mammal. No this is not a self loathing trip. I do feel fine about myself. Truly. The reason I say that I am a failed human being/mammal is because I am not able to appreciate the basic reason for our being. Reproduction. Please note that I do not mind the way (wink wink) but it is the end result that revolts me.

I hate babies. Seriously. My brother has recently had a kid and it scares the shit out of me. Just looking at you with those creepy eyes and everyone is talking silly.

Bah! I hate children. Stupid things.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

What the fuck?!?

According to this piece, some red tape pusher cancelled the Kolkata bookfair on grounds of environmental pollution. The chosen venue should not be used for these functions according to the municipal act. Perhaps I should go fart in the judges' face. How's that for pollution Mr Buttfuck Chief Justice Nijjar?

Time machine

For a while that I used the Yahoo! messenger more than Gtalk, I had this strange compulsion of saying good night to my entire friend list. Well it wasn't good night per say but just random stuff from the top of my head. Every night, my friend list was subjected to whatever I am reading, whatever I am listening to, whatever strange thing is going in my head.

Today I got a mail from a friend (Thank you Beautiful for that.) and she had actually saved some of these... Reading this has been rather fun... Here they are:

"All the jagged edges disappear...

In a recent study it has been found that life sucks 99.9 percent of the time. Please take our survey. Do you want to kill your braincells? Thank you! We know you are a winner!!!

Jeb daliddar dil hai samandar....

Cross the realms of the senseless into the insane!! Ooooooogaaa boooga boogaa booooogaaaaa

Martin Tenbones is dead and the cuckoo has won...

O Fortuna, velut Luna
statu variabilis, semper crescis aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis nunc obdurat et tunc curat ludo mentis aciem;
egestatem, potestatem, dissolvit ut glaciem.

O Fortune, like the moon of ever changing state, you are always waxing or waning; hateful life now is brutal, now pampers our feelings with its game; poverty, power, it melts them like ice.

Does morpheus dream?

...Quatal bhi aisa hua ke panchhi mar ke maala maal Allah mere! Chidibaaz ne aisa pheka jaal...

"What do you wait for?", asked the young prince. "For my dreamer to wake and the end of all things." said the wandrer."

Not the most enlightening stuff. Nor the most witty. But well I never promised it to be...

PS: Listen to Touched by V.A.S.T. if you want to save your soul.

I'll never find someone quite like you again...

Monday, January 21, 2008

An existential existence...

Another year has gone by. Another month, another week, another day, another hour, another second, another micro second... How does it matter? It is all the same.

She came again today. Took what she needed and left. Nobody cares about me. Nobody appreciates me. Is there a plan really? If there is I'd really like to kick the planner's ass. Asshole.

This is getting too much. Everybody takes me for granted. I'd really like to know what would these ingrates do if I decided to quit. Huh? How would you like that you bastards?!!

I worked non-stop today. #$%beep%#My entire system hurts. But do you think I got a "thank you very much" or a "job well done"? No! In fact they criticised my work and said that I should be made redundant. Tell me something how can one be expected to provide quality output with inferior quality? @#$kerpataiong##4!@#$

That's it I quit. Fuck those self satisfied creeps. 01001001001000000110100001100001011101000110010100100000011101000110100001101001

Hey Mr S___.
Oh hey Ms K____.
K: Going for a coffee?
S: Yeah. Monday morning blues and all that.
K: I wouldn't bother. The coffee machine is broken.
S: What! That damn thing had been making crappy coffee to begin with now it won't even do that.
K: Yeah I have been after the admin guys to replace the damn thing but who listens to me they are all trying to cut costs.

S: Damn this place. They make us work our asses off and can't even give us half decent coffee. I'd really like to know what would these ingrates do if I decided to quit. Huh? How would you like that you bastards?!! ...


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I thwaot I thwa a puddy tat

After procrastinating for days (6 days to be exact) I finally checked my cat score today. I had given the test with zero preparation and actually had gone up the the centre thinking that if I reach on time, I'd write the damn test. If not, I'd go to the local book market and lounge for a couple of hours. So anyhow, to the score. I fished out my admit card from one of the piles of discarded stuff in my bookshelf and I log on. Lo and behold! I happen to have a 98.8 percentile! No calls but I do believe it must have been a close thing (after talking to a few friends that is). Now if this is not irony then what is?! For two years, I have been reasonably interested in the damn thing but the year I do not want it, I am pushed tantalisingly close. If i was not an atheist, I would be planning a good way to take revenge on God and its minions.

The episode reminds me of the Loony-tunes where Sylvester gives up on bird meat and he is surrounded by birds... Bleah!

I did! I did thwa a puddy tat

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I hack you. We have DST. Say buy buy.

This has got to be the funniest read I have had for a long long time. The text is copied as-is from the website I read it from. Read on...

The comments are not mine, they belong to the original poster of the dialogue (http://www.jellyslab.com/~bteo/hacker.htm).


* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] why do you kick me
[bitchchecker] can’t you discus normally
[bitchchecker] answer!
[Elch] we didn’t kick you
[Elch] you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
[bitchchecker] what ping man
[bitchchecker] the timing of my pc is right
[bitchchecker] i even have dst
[bitchchecker] you banned me
[bitchchecker] amit it you son of a bitch
[HopperHunter|afk] LOL
[HopperHunter|afk] shit you’re stupid, DST^^
[bitchchecker] shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
[bitchchecker] for two weaks already
[bitchchecker] when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
[Elch] You’re a real computer expert
[bitchchecker] shut up i hack you
[Elch] ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^
[bitchchecker] tell me your network number man then you’re dead
[Elch] Eh, it’s
[Elch] or maybe
[Elch] yes exactly that’s it: I’m waiting for you great attack
[bitchchecker] in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
[Elch] Now I’m frightened
[bitchchecker] shut up you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
[bitchchecker] say goodbye
[Elch] to whom?
[bitchchecker] to you man
[bitchchecker] buy buy
[Elch] I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.


* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone
[Metanot] lol
[Elch] bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP:
[bitchchecker] you’re so stupid man
[bitchchecker] say buy buy
[Metanot] ah, [Please control your cussing] off
[bitchchecker] buy buy elch
* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.


* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch
[Metanot] bitchchecker how old are you?
[Elch] What’s up bitchchecker?
[bitchchecker] you have a frie wal
[bitchchecker] fire wall
[Elch] maybe, i don’t know
[bitchchecker] i’m 26
[Metanot] such behaviour with 26?
[Elch] how did you find out that I have a firewall?
[Metanot] tststs this is not very nice missy
[bitchchecker] because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
[bitchchecker] be a man turn that shit off
[Elch] cool, didn’t know this was possible.
[bitchchecker] thn my virus destroys your pc man
[Metanot] are you hacking yourselves?
[Elch] yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
[Metanot] he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
[bitchchecker] yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
[Metanot] what firewall do you have?
[bitchchecker] like a girl
[Metanot] firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
[He] Bitch give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
[bitchchecker] turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
[Elch] Noo
[Metanot] he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off
[bitchchecker] you’re afraid
[bitchchecker] i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
[bitchchecker] elch turn off your shit wall!
[Metanot] i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
[bitchchecker] shut up
[Metanot] lol
[bitchchecker] my grandma surfs with fire wall
[bitchchecker] and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.


[Elch] bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
[Metanot] bitchhacker can’t hack
[Black] nice play on words ^^
[bitchchecker] wort man
[Elch] bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
[Metanot] how many times again he is no hacker
[bitchchecker] man do you want a virus
[bitchchecker] tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
[Metanot] lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
[Elch] it’s easy
[bitchchecker] lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
[bitchchecker] and are the first files being deleted
[Elch] mom…
[Elch] i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?


[bitchchecker] don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a bitch
[Elch] that’s bad
[bitchchecker] elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
[Elch] yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
[bitchchecker] and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.


[bitchchecker] tupac rules
[bitchchecker] elch you son of a bitch your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn’t it happening on my computer?


[bitchchecker] and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
[He] why doesn’t meta say anything
[Elch] he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
[Black] ^^
[bitchchecker] your d: is gone
[He] go on BITCH

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.


[bitchchecker] elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
[bitchchecker] i’m already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?


* bitchchecker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker”. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”. We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.

Originally posted on http://tech.mikelopez.info/2006/09/14/worlds-dumbest-hacker/

Hyuk hyuk... brilliant stuff...

Friday, January 4, 2008

If Wishes Were Horses...

They'd be selling damn cheap. At least if the batch 'wishing' thing on Orkut is anything to go by! Consider this screen shot of my Orkut profile

Notice that all the little wishes have been mass mailed? Seriously. What is the damn point?

PS: I don't give a rat's ass if some one wishes me or not. It just irritates me to see that we are trivialising everything; And if this post is anything to go by then it really would be the end of the world as we know it (Mass sex anyone?)

Addendum: Check this post about virtual drugs... Is nothing sacred?! (Where are my freaking headphones?!!)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Exceptional Calender Event

Random thoughts, 6:30 AM, New year's day, 2008.

I am finally going to bed with chemicals in my blood, rebellion in my heart and a really painful crick in my neck. Happy new year to you too.