Necktie Professionalism

My company is a 'professional services organisation' making me a 'professional' too. The way my company defines a professional is most interesting and unfortunately very widespread. In fact I am assured that their definition of the professional is an 'industrial best practice'.

One such best practice states: ' The professional shalt wear a tie'. We have a gold plated framed version of the carefully reviewed aid to professionalism (CRAP) enshrined in the gents loo. Therefore if you'd ask females of my office, they might not know. But looking at CRAP is a very important part of our day. There are speculations that the Ladies loo might be the home of PISS (primness is suggested strongly). If any honoured colleague is reading this, please confirm. I'll reply most professionally with a mail ending with a heartfelt 'Thanks and best regards'. Anyhow on to neckties.

The Story of Neckties



Chapter I

Lets look at the history of the neckties first. Shih Huang Ti, who died in 210 BC, was a deranged lunatic. He was also the emperor of China. This moron was bloody scared of death so this dude decided to kill his entire 2000 men strong personal body guard and take them on his glorious journey after death. This gentleman wore the first neck tie.

Lesson learnt -> The management is afraid of their professional death. Therefore it wants to kill us and take us with them to disaster and so it forces a neck tie upon us. Avoid getting entangled with corporates. They may suck your soul.

Chapter II

Tie made their next appearance in the 1600s. The Croatian mercenaries wore kerchiefs around their necks. These pointless dangling things were adopted by the nation with a penchant for adopting weird dangling things. France. These were called 'Cravate' the word is believed to be derived from the Turkish 'kyrabacs' or the Hungarian 'korbacs'. Both mean whip.

Lessons learnt -> The tie is the management's symbol of authority. They want us to realise all the time that they hold the whip. Stay away from corporates you may get more than a kick to your butt.

Chapter III

Our world is one of several unresolved questions, such as why is Arundhati Roy such a bitch? Why is the media so incredibly stupid? Why do so many men treat women like shit? Why do so many women accept being treated like shit? Why isn't humanity extinct yet and who the fuck is this god person anyway? (yes I stole it from Adams. Sue me :P)

The unresolved question in focus here is the reason why do the frenchies lead fashion. Because following the douche bags, other European douche bags started emulating thus damning entire generations to a sensless piece of cloth tied around ones neck. What started as a puffed up fool's dementia still remains to be a puffed up fools dementia. The Emperor has now simply been substituted by the CEO.

Conclusion

Neckties are uncomfortable costly dangly pieces of cloth that are the proof of your submission to the whims of your pay-masters. That you must bid as they say at the tug of the leash. Now heel dog heel!

Or would you?